Joke..joke

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied , " in-laws"

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day. 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says

............." HEBREWS"

Contoh Surat Rasmi - Poligami

Hahahaha! Poligami ---- tidak baik untuk kesihatan. Nyau teringat ke contoh menulis surat rasmi SPM ke di email dk sarinya. HAHAHAHAAH! This time JJ write; (Quoted by Siput)

Jelu Jipun

123 Address Dia,

Sibu Sarawak

Suruhanjaya Gereja-Gereja Malaysia

1234 Di mana Sahaja

KL

Tarikh: Somewhere in 2011

PERKARA: PERMOHONAN UNTUK BERPOLIGAMI SUPAYA DILULUSKAN OLEH PIHAK GEREJA

Tuan,

Perkara di atas adalah dirujuk.

2. Sebab utama permohonan ini dilakukan adalah kerana kuota yang diberi oleh pihak tuan pada peringkat ini tidak mencukupi untuk menampung permintaan terhadap saya selaku seorang insan yang bergelar lelaki. Permintaan yang tinggi ke atas seseorang yang bergelar lelaki ini lah yang mendorong saya untuk memohon untuk berpoligami kerana insan yang bergelar lelaki pada zaman sekarang semakin berkurangan biar di pasaran tempatan mahupun di pasaran global.

3. Memandangkan konsumer tempatan yang tidak berdaya saing dengan konsumer global, saya ingin mengajukan permohonan ini ke peringkat yang seterusnya agar saya boleh memperkembangkan bakat yang saya miliki ini untuk dikongsi dengan konsumer-konsumer di seluruh dunia. Dengan itu, saya juga ingin memohon imuniti bagi pihak saya supaya tidak dikecam oleh pihak gereja di tempat lain. Dengan kelulusan yang diberi oleh pihak tuan, kita dapat menyelamatkan dunia ini daripada ancaman kepupusan kerana kekurangan jumlah lelaki berbanding perempuan.

4. Segala kerjasama daripada pihak tuan saya dahulukan dengan ucapan ribuan terima kasih. Saya amat berharap pihak tuan meluluskan permohonan saya ini dengan secepat mungkin kerana nyawa, jiwa dan raga saya berada di dalam tangan pihak tuan. Dengan ini, saya lampirkan dokumen-dokumen permohonan dan surat-surat kahwin saya untuk tandatangan pihak tuan.

Akhir kata, saya berharap pihak tuan meluluskan permohonan ini agar saya dan insan-insan lelaki lain yang seperti saya dapat membendung bencana ancaman kepupusan di dunia ini. Sekian terima kasih.

"BERSEDIA BERKONGSI UNTUK DUNIA"

Yang Memohon,

Jelu Jipun.

Can You Sleep While The Wind Blows?

Years ago, a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast.

He constantly advertised for hired hands. Most people were

reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic. They dreaded the

awful storms that raged across the Atlantic, wreaking havoc on the buildings and crops.

As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received

A steady stream of refusals.

Finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached

the farmer. "Are you a good farm hand?" the farmer asked him.

"Well, I can sleep when the wind blows," answered the little man.

Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help,

Hired him. The little man worked well around the farm, busy from

dawn to dusk, and the farmer felt satisfied with the man's work.

Then one night the wind howled loudly in from offshore.

Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed

next door to the hired hand's sleeping quarters. He shook the

little man and yelled, "Get up! A storm is coming!

Tie things down before they blow away!"

The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, "No

sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows."

Enraged by the response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on

the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm.

To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had

been covered with tarpaulins. The cows were in the barn, the chickens were in the coops, and the doors were barred.

The shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down.

Nothing could blow away. The farmer then understood what his

hired hand meant, so he returned to his bed to also sleep while

the wind blew.

Moral of this Story

When you're prepared, spiritually, mentally, and physically,

you have nothing to fear. Can you sleep when the

wind blows through your life?

The hired hand in the story was able to sleep because he

had secured the farm against the storm.

We secure ourselves against the storms of life by

grounding ourselves in the Word of God.

We don't need to understand, we just need to hold

His hand to have peace in the middle of storms.

GOD BLESS US ALL!

Reaction Vs Response

Have you ever thought what is the difference between Reaction and Response ? Here it is....................

A group of ladies were sitting in a restaurant and waiting for their Coffee. Suddenly, a cockroach flew from somewhere and sat on one of the ladies. She started screaming out of fear.

With panic stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach. Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group got cranky to what was happening.

The lady finally managed to push the cockroach to another lady in the group. Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama. The waiter rushed forward to their rescue. In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter.

The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behaviour of the cockroach on his shirt. When he was confident enough, he grabbed and threw it out with his fingers.

Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behaviour? If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed?

He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos. It is not the cockroach, but the inability of those ladies to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach.

I realized even in our case then, it is not the shouting of our spouse or our boss that disturbs us, but it's our inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs us. Its not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs us, but our inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs us. More than the problem, it's our reaction to the problem that hurts us.

Lesson learnt from the story:

We should not react in life. We should always respond. The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded. Reactions are always instinctive whereas responses are always intellectual.

Any Holes In Your Life?

"Catch the foxes for us, The little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, While our vineyards are in blossom." Song of Solomon 2:15.

Researchers who had made repeated dives to the wreckage of the Titanic-challenged the accepted theory that an iceberg tore a 300-foot gash in the side of the ship.

The ship's bow is mired in mud, but the team 'looked' at the hull using sound waves.

They concluded that the damage is 'astonishingly small'- just six small gashes along the starboard hull.

Unfortunately- the openings were made at the worst possible place, along six watertight holds.

Little things can do great damage:

- a little lie here,

- a little cheating there,

- a little stealing,

- a little gossip, and/or

- a little unresolved conflict

- like a little gash in a mighty ship can open a floodgate of damage somewhere down the track.

Any holes in your life?

Let's not neglect them.

Let's get smart and, with God's help, take care of them today before they sink us.

May God help us see the 'little' things in our life that-if we fail to resolve them now, they may 'burn out of control' farther down the line.

The Story of St. Michael

:: St. Michael the Archangel ::

The Archangel Saint Michael is perhaps one of the best known of the angels. Like Saint Gabriel and Saint Raphael he is not only an angel but also an Archangel, which is a chief angel. He is honoured in Christian tradition but also among the Jews and Moslems.

The name "Michael" means ”who is like God". The Greek word "angelos" means messenger.Angels are incorporeal creatures who praise God, act as messengers between God and man, and serve as guardians of nations, peoples, and individuals. Angels are often ordered into nine categories and are mentioned 192 times in Sacred Scripture. Four of these times St. Michael's name is recorded:

1) Daniel 10:13 ~ But the prince (that is the guardian angel of Persia) of the kingdom of the Persians resisted me one and twenty days, and behold Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me...

2) Daniel 12:1 ~ But at that time (end of the world) shall Michael rise up, the great prince, who stands up for the children of your people.

3) Jude 1:9 ~ Yet when Michael the archangel was fiercely disputing with the devil about the body of Moses...

4) Apocalypse (Revelation) 12:7 - 9 ~ And there was a battle in heaven: Michael and his angels battled with the dragon, and although the dragon and his angels. fought back, they were overpowered and lost their place in heaven. The huge dragon, the ancient serpent known as the devil or Satan, the seducer of the whole world, was driven out and hurled down to earth and his minions with him.

From these passages four offices are often assigned to St. Michael:

v to fight against Satan and evil

v to rescue the souls of the faithful from the power of the devil

v to be the champion of God's people

v to summon people's souls from this earth and bring them to judgement

It is the later, future-oriented, drama found in the account from the Apocalypse (Revelation), which combined with other extra-scriptural and legendary traditions, to give us the story of St. Michael, as we know it:

After the creation of the heavens and earth, there was a battle in heaven. Lucifer, the "light-bearer", the "morning star", who was the chief among angels, rebelled against God. Because of Lucifer's envy, pride, and desire to sit upon God's throne, he did not want to be subject to God or to serve Him. He took a third of the angels into revolt with him. Michael however, was loyal to God, and declared he would serve God, for "who is like unto God" ("Michael"). With the other two-thirds of the angels he defeated Lucifer and cast him and his supporters out of heaven. Lucifer now became called Satan ("adversary") and those angels who supported him became devils. As a reward for his loyalty Michael was made the chief angel. Due to this leadership role the Church named the Archangel a Saint, and the Eastern Liturgy assigned him the title of the "Archistrategos" ("highest general").

Besides these roles of a military nature there is another role which was assigned to St. Michael, that of healer. This tradition started in Phrygia where many healing hot springswere dedicated to him. Soon Constantinople revered him as a celestial doctor. As time went on he was invoked in a variety of other roles. In Egypt he became the patron of the Nile and his feast is celebrated on the day that the river rises. Germany and France also have a special veneration for him that involves rugged natural landscape, such as mountains, the most famous of all being Mont. St. Michael in Brittany. He is the guardian of Portugal where his feast is celebrated on the third Sunday of June by special permission of the Pope. Among his other titles are: Prince, Angel of Chivalry, Angel of Judgement, and Angel of the Sun.

The cult of St. Michael is very old. The Jewish people revered him as the patron ofIsraeland he often appeared in the Hebraic Kabbal and other mystical writings and traditions.

In Christianity Pope Sylvester in Rome and Patriarch Alexander in Alexandria both introduced the feast in the fourth century. The Western Church celebrates the Feast of Saint Michael on September 29^th, along with Saint Gabriel, Saint Raphael, and all the Archangels, while in the Eastern Church this same Feast is celebrated on November 8^th.

The first emperor to convert to Christianity, Constantine the Great (324 - 337), built a church in honour of St. Michael on the Bosphorus at a spot called Anaplus, some fifty miles south of Constantinople. On the opposite headland on the Asiatic shore, the emperor Justinian built another church in St. Michael's honour. During the fourth and fifth centuries alone, within Constantinople and its vicinity, there were built some fifteen churches and chapels dedicated to this Archangel. Other cities and towns soon followed. Ravena, for example, erected a large church to St. Michael and kept his feast on June 9 th. During the reign of the emperor Arcadius, yet another famous church was built in Constantinople, by some healing springs, dedicated to St. Michael and all the "synaxis" (synod, assembly) of angels. This feast of the Synaxis of St. Michael and all the angels, was celebrated on November 8 th, and hence, this date became the main one in which the Archangel was revered in the Eastern Church. This feast quickly spread over the entire Greek, Syrian, and Coptic Church.

In both Western paintings and Eastern iconography, St. Michael is represented in certain standard artistic ways. He has a halo, denoting his sanctity, and is winged as most angels are.

The concept of angels being winged was a late one in Judaism, coming after the Babylonian captivity. The winged lions and bulls of the Assyrians and the griffins of the Hittites influenced the Israelites. In Western pictures he usually carries either a sword (denoting his defeat over Satan and evil), and/or a scale (depicting his role in the last judgement). Often a horned, winged, Satan or dragon is being trampled under foot and put to death. Frequently the gaping cavern of a burning hell is depicted as the intended destiny of the devil. Although some Eastern icons do have St. Michael holding a scale, or sword, and picture him triumphing over the evil one, mostly the Saint is portrayed as holding a staff and/or an orb, representing his messenger and seer roles and his sage, insightful governance. His face is fair and noble looking, and his entire pose is a peaceful and ethereal one.

:: Prayer to St. Michael ::

:: Help us and protect us from the evil one ::

Thinking of Making Baju Kurung

:: Baju Kurung Songket ::

:: Baju Kebaya Nyonya ::

:: Baju Kurung Songket ::

Hmm.... I like the middle one, baju kebaya nyonya...I will definitely make one for myself, and then for kurung kedah, I will make it kurung kedah songket, and the colour.....hmm....maroon, light yellow and......maybe blue...or grey...i think I'll go for grey....

Or should I go to the butik at Parkson there and buy the ready made one? Hmm....

Learning to Sense and See Your Aura

Learning to sense and see your Aura

First sit comfortably facing a pale, plain or white wall. Make sure there is no direct sunlight or artificial light shinning on you. Stretch out your right arm in front of you - so it is in front of the wall (do not touch the wall). Make sure the back of your right hand is facing you.

Open out your fingers and look at the space in between your fingers and the wall. Only look at the space in between your fingers - not at your fingers. Now allow your eyes to completely relax. You will begin to see a fuzzy white or gray outline around your fingers. If you begin to see this it means you are doing the exercise right. What you are actually seeing is your aura.

Continue to look in between your fingers at the fuzzy outline. As you continue to look at the fuzzy outline you should notice it start to change colour - usually to blue. Keep looking at your aura until you can see it all around your hand and fingers.

If you do not notice anything at first, then please do not give up, keep trying and trying as with practice the exercise will become easier and easier. You can do this exercise any time and place.

View the aura around your head

Stand in front of a mirror. Make sure that there is a plain wall or background behind and around you. Again make sure there is no direct sunlight or artificial light shinning on you.

Look at the space above your head and let your eyes completely relax. You should begin to see a fuzzy white or grey outline appear around your head. If you do begin to see this then you are doing the exercise right as this is your aura.

Continue to look at the fuzzy white / grey light and you will begin to notice it change colour - it usually changes to blue. You are now looking at your etheric body - your aura. Watch as this blue outline stretches over your head and shoulders.

Learn to sense and feel your Aura

I love doing this exercise and you can do it any place and any where. I find it quite therapeutic and relaxing. It is amazing feeling once you learn to sense, feel and see your aura.

Sit or stand comfortably and make sure you will not be disturbed (once you get the hang of it, you will find that you can do this exercise any time and in any environment). Hold the palms of your hands close together - notice how this feels.

Move your palms of your hands apart and then bring them together again, keeping doing this over and over. Notice how it feels and what you can see. As you move the palms together and apart you should begin to feel a pulling like feeling.

Each time you move your palms of your hands forwards and backwards just take them slightly further apart each time. As you continue moving them forward and apart you will begin to notice a sensation building up in the palms of your hands.

You will begin to feel your palms become hot and it will feel like elastic in between each hand. If you feel this then you are sensing and feeling your aura. If you relax your eyes and look at your hands as you do this exercise then you will begin to even see this aura. It will first look like heat waves and eventually change colour to white and then blue. You will be able to see this energy pulling back and forth as you move your hands.

Seeing the Aura's of those around you

Ask a friend or family member if they would not mind you practicing on them and trying to see their auras. Ask your family member or friend to please sit comfortably in a chair. Make sure that the walls behind and around them are white or plain in colour. Also make sure that there is no artificial light or direct sunlight in the room.

Sit opposite your friend or family member and look just above the top of their head. Let your eyes relax completely and keep looking. You should begin to see a grey / white fuzzy outline - which should begin to change colour to blue. If you continue to look at your friend or family members aura, you should then begin to see the aura changing colour again.

Notice what colour their aura changes too and what its Patten is. Is it all around them or is it in a broken pattern? What is the shape and colour of their Aura?