Ahakz.....happy.....

After a few days with sad mode, last night I back to normal. I'm glad that at last my sayang has been posted. Since last night he kept calling me (or...I was the one that called him because I still have a free call until today), and updated to me everything about himself. Today he went to report duty at PPD Tenom. That was really a long journey; from KT - KL, KL - KK, KK - Keningau, Keningau - Tenom....at last. Hahahahaha......I laughed whenever he told me about his first experience; he entered kampung area and such and I told him, "Welcome to Borneo."

And just now he told me he'll teach at SK Kapulu (wow.....I already did some research about the school and what I can say is.....WOW....). I'm glad that he's been sent to that school, that town, with all guy teachers. Pheww......God listened to my prayer. Hahahahaha......

And this going to be his real challenging experience....and start from now too. (Hahahaha.....still I want to laugh....coz my sayang was always like a town guy, this never do, that never do and now or next time he will say "I know this....I know that...")

Next year will be my turn to be posted. Still don't know where but I don't mind to be sent to ulu area yet I don't think they will send me to ulu area because my option is SJK (C). I do wish and pray to God to be sent back to Sibu whereas I don't have to rent a house, and I can go to school from my own house. The most important thing is I really can't wait to start teaching and of course using my methods of teaching.

Today in campus we learned on how to have a fun T & L in a class with Mr. Aslam. Yerp, I like the ideas. I remember last time with 5M(during practicum) I used the 'funny' video to teach Adverbs. I bet my pupils loved watching the video and also the intro music was really surprising. Before the lesson, I did google on how to teach Adverbs in a fun way. During that time I found many ways on how to teach grammar using the famous songs (that's why I can't wait to go for a real teaching; my own class, my own pupils, my own syllabus so that I can use the songs). At home I have a fast internet connection, so should be no problem to me.

Hmm....pity my sayang, I bet he can't use the ICT there but I know God is very fair. My sayang is very good in drawing. He can draw a picture for his pupils.....they sure will like it. Hehe...I'm going to suggest to him any kind of fun activities that he can carry out during his lesson.

I'm not worry....God knows the best for us. As long as I'm sincere, God is sure will help me.

Above are (Woot!!!) my birthday presents given by my sayang; Leonardo the tortoise and also the drawing which portray our memories. The tortoises and the lions are come in sets; 1 for him and 1 for me, so we both having the same things. Q1: Can you guess which one is Simba and which one is Lionel? Q2: Can you guess which one is Alexander and which one is Leonardo? :p

Random Pictures.

Hahahaha....just so coincidence that my sayang and I wore the same batik last Thursday, so I asked him to take photo and send the photo to me and I also took my photo and sent to him via MMS. I always said wanted to take photo together with him wearing the same batik but until now we couldn't manage to take any photos together.

.: Sayang during Sambutan Hari Merdeka :.

Hahaha....this picture is the best....I forced my sayang to take picture wearing baju melayu and he said he forgot and at the end he disappeared for a while (while skype-ing with him) just to wear the red baju melayu and also with the songkok and took photo then sent to me to make me happy and to satisfy me. Hahahahaha......thanks sayang. ^

.:. Man in white. Hehehehe.....Still, i'm the one that forced him to take the picture .:.

.: A Very Nice One :.

Hahahahaha....emo mode and everything. Anyway feel better now. I didn't know that I wrote so much before. Re-read my blog in 'My Life' sub-topic. Wah.....I talked about my braces, I talked about Luffy (One Piece), I talked about the books that I've read and I also talked about my job.

I just realized that last time I always imagined myself as one of the novel character, normally I imagined myself as Emma Corrigon (in 'Can You Keep a Secret?'). The silly Executive, exactly just like me, last time.

And wow....when I read back what I wrote, it seems like I really, totally, absolutely, utterly, completely (what other adverb that I can use to describe it? :p) pro in my work! Wahahahaha.....talking about the presentation, talking about the leaf sampling, talking about the trace elements, the sub-soils....and wow.....I really did a good job last time. Ehemmm......answering all the questions without hesitate, and very confident.....well....that's me.....just like Emma Corrigon....and in fact....i was just pretending to look so pro. Wahahahaha......

And....I was (or maybe still I am) a cry baby. Watch One Piece, will cry; read novel, will cry.....everything also.....as long as it touching me, will cry. Iskhh...iskhh....iskhh....But nobody knows that. I'm a tough one. Wahahahaha.....my sayang heard me cried one time. *duhhh*

Another thing....I always told myself that true love doesn't exist in this world. Hmm.... And I always told myself, nobody is gonna likes me. A second hmmm...... And ready to be a single person even for the rest of my life. A third hmmm..... (oh....okay...okay.....i change my mind now. True love does exist. Everybody deserves to have someone in their life. The key is.....just be patience, nothing to rush, and submit to God....everything is gonna be alright.)

Then, I read the email that sayang sent to me...from the first email until the recent one (which is today). My emotion when I read the email (tho' that was past already), sad, happy, curious, sad again.....and most of the time I feel sad.....even when I read the email now, I still feel sad. Haiz~ *emo mode again*.

I was / am happy when I read he wrote, "As my confession, I would say that I love you, Raymona." But, only after felt happy a bit, then he sent another email, by next day.

"So sad… I don’t want to lie people. Here is the truth; just now ukm asked me why I didn’t love her anymore. I thought when I tell her that I have someone else, she will accept it. But otherwise she cried loudly and asked me not to do that. She asked me to choose her or you, and then I told her that I choose you, honest and confidently, but then she asked me to choose her. She said she could die without me. I don’t know why.

Sad in me, I have to make choice. If so, I am so pity with her, not because I have no stand, but because feel responsible to take care of her after experienced a relationship with her previously. This is what happens in the world. What should I do? Why I am like this? It seems like I have no choice. I am so sorry. So sorry because we cannot continue our relationship.

Waaa… I am seriously so sad, can somebody please help me? Raymona, I redeclared with ukm again, and we have to be friends only, not as bf/gf. SAD SAD SAD to me… WaaaAAAAaaaa…. From now on, I don’t want to be like a munafik people, lie in talking. I do not lie anymore, I told the truth in spite of bitter, very bitter. I want to cry, but no tears, my heart is crying but nobody is hearing. We plan for the best, God do the best, what happen for us, is better for us."

When I read this, I feel like I want to cry again (tho' this was a past). Tuesday, 3rd of May. Hmm....Seriously couldn't blame him either. Pity him, couldn't making decision. But at last everything is fine. Phewww......such a drama last time. Haiz~ my life is always full with drama. I still remember the song "Tears Drop on My Guitar" by Taylor Swift and "Menunggu" by Rossa, really suit me that time. Hahahahaha....And then, how he treated me last time. Jual mahal, sombong, even when we see each other in campus, we will never talk. The reason was.....SHY!

And then I complaint to him (by emailing of course), and he told me that he thought everything is alright. Hahaha.....the incident was during carrefour time. I wasn't mad that time, but felt sad a bit....so inside the car, I didn't say a word. Even when I came out from the car, I didn't say anything. Hahahahaha......see, I'm a sulky girl as well. :p But at least I didn't say anything right?

But it's okay sayang, you compensate it during potluck day. For that, I will never forget that for the rest of my life. ^^ That time I feel like I'm fall in love once again...with the same person. Hahahaha....iskhh....alright.....stop with the lovey-dovey thingy.

Hmm....it's 10.41pm right now. Wonder what sayang doing right now. Still playing futsal for sure. I wish to be like him. I always admire him. He is my another me. He is my other half; my other half that is better than myself. So sorry to whoever read my blog if I talk a lot about him. Boasting about him is like boasting about myself. Wahahaha..... I couldn't help it, anyway, this is my blog, so I can write anything that I want right?

And for sure people will ask, "Why keep talking about love....love..love....no other topic huh?" Yes, sure got other topic...but right now, I am in love. Hahahaha.....so you should understand my feeling. It's good to cherish our relationship. Why keep it for yourself? JUST EXPRESS IT!!! Before it is too late. Remember, the keyword to a successful relationship is a "two-way communication".

Many people having failure in their relationship due to this. They love their partner, but they never told their partner. And at the end, when thing happen, then started to blame each other. I tell you, if once your heart being cut (hurt), it won't be the same as before. The feeling is there but it won't be the same as before. To mend the broken heart (by the same person), it's still hard and it won't be the same like before. Learn from mistake, learn from the previous experience, learn from the people around us.

I don't want my relationship to end like that. At least not for this time. I'm matured enough now (I guess so) in handling the relationship. He is the best that ever happen in my life. 360 degrees I change my perception towards love now. Last time I thought that true love doesn't exist, there's no such word as our other half, no such word as soul-mate.

But I found mine already. ^^ Doesn't mean that our other half has the same interest with us. It must be 360 degrees different from us. For example, I couldn't draw (not so well), but he can. I don't like sport (tho' i'm pretty good with sport), but he loves sport so much. I love reading and writing, but he isn't. I'm good in language, but he isn't. It seems like we completing each other. Covered the weaknesses within us....and to make us PERFECT! Sound ridiculous right? That's why I said, he is soooo special to me. I couldn't lost him. He's gone, then I'm die. Err..I mean not technically die, but my soul will die.

Oh, one thing also, my classmates curious with the guy that I always sms with (I mean last time, but now they found the mysterious guy already). And they said that my face 'glowing'. Hmmm.....the power of love. Hahahaha..... Errkk....I need to study more about this. Hahahaha....my sayang sure will say, "Another experimental victim..." Sorry sayang, you are my subject. I want to study more about human behavioral, about human psychology, it's not that I'm making you as my guinea pig, I just want to know whether my theory is correct or not. *stick out tongue* hahahaha......

Alright...enough! The real reason I write this topic is to recall my last year writing. It's so nice to re-read what I wrote before, about my previous job, about the movie that I watched, about the books that I read, and about everything. And I wonder, by next year, what I'm going to write? *raise one eyebrow* Curious? We don't know what hold in future, but no matter what, LIFE IS GREAT! Just keep moving forward (my sayang's motto) and live happily, you will discover a great new thing in your life. Ciao!

Hahahaha.....don't ask how I get this photo. I like it so much!

My sayang (the very left) with his housemates and friends.

:: My Little Wish ::

I'm reserve this page for the title. I wish...I wish...I wish....I feel like I want to cry, but no tears come out.....I wish to be the first, but I can't. Why....why.....others are much more special? Why.....why I have nothing? I wish there's something that I can remind me of him. It's okay Ray.....you're the later....the one that coming later....so you have to accept it... Keep it for yourself okay.....It's not a healthy thinking.....

Wahahahaha....stop jiwang-jiwang.....it's just a song title. :p Cheers!!!!

Title : My Little Wish

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you

And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin' 'til you find the window
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you and the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get

Oh, you'd find God's grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish, yeah yeah

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish
(My wish for you)

This is my wish
(My wish for you)
I hope you know somebody loves you
(My wish for you)
May all your dreams stay big
(My wish for you)

:: The Laziness Inside Me ::

Argghhh......i am so lazy! What should I do to get rid of this laziness? I still got 8 assignments that I haven't touch, not even a bit! And the holiday is almost over! What happen to me? Why am I so lazy? Arggghhhhh.....kill me...shoot me.....arrgghhhh......

Just now Auntie Agnes called me and asked whether I will join the cellgroup meeting tonite and I said I can't join, as I still have so many things to do. Haiz~Actually I really wish to join. And then Auntie Mary Law sms me telling the venue for tonite cellgroup meeting. Argghhh......I wish to join.....I want to join....oh God....how nice if I dont have any assignments during holiday....how nice if I really enjoyed my holiday without worrying about assignments....I just want to serve God during holiday. *sad mode*

Another thing now, how am I going to carry all my stuff this coming Sunday? Arghhh...seriously I don't want to go back to campus. I hate to see IPBA. Haiz~ Fast...fast...time flies till end of the year....fast...fast...bye bye IPBA.

Whenever I do my assignment, I remember the incident that I went out with sayang, a night before my last day in campus, before holiday. That was really critical time for me. Sayang was helping me, typing my Science worksheets and tasksheets. And I was busy with the lesson plan. I knew that I'm going to be a teacher, since last year, coz I did dream of this, and I knew that I will get a bf with teacher profession. Last year I didn't believe this, but this year my dreamed becomes real.

If without him, I didn't know what will happen to me during Science Micro teaching. At least I managed to do everything (by the help of my sayang as well). Thanks sayang....I will never forget this. We did our work in McD until 6am! We not even sleep, go back home to take bath and go to campus. And I still remember that even during IPD class, I still cutting my teaching-aids. Hahahahaha....and Pn. Zahanin said, "Raymona....." and i had to admit, "Maaf puan. Tapi jangan risau puan, saya dengar apa yang puan ajar...." and she said, "I know....." Pheww.....she's really understanding.

At McD that time, suddenly strike me when I recalled my dream, exactly like what happen that time. And deep inside me i said, "How nice to have a partner in life as a teacher; also a TESL teacher. Can do lesson plan together, can discuss together, can do teaching-aids together." And last year, before I apply KPLI, deep within I already imagined to have a bf as a teacher, but of coz that time was just a dream only coz I didn't believe in love. ZzzZzz...

And during doing the KRS logbook. At least my sayang was helping me to draw a picture. Hmm...I mean I can keep the drawing and carry it everywhere even after I posting next time. :-)

Oh, I did feel guilty, the next day I went out with sayang again to watch a midnight movie, and after movie, I asked him to accompany me to have supper (at 3 am)...and his nose bleeding that time. Ah...was that because of not even sleep at all the day before? I was so selfish right? I want to be with him and I demand a lot. Haiz~

In future, I'm going to compensate all these. I will take care of him..properly....that's my promise (a life time promise).

Orait...I should stop being lazy. Jiayou...jiayou Kidz.....you can do it....8 assignments is nothing....Let's start doing the assignment.....(hmmm....do I need to take a noon nap first?) Hehehehehe.......tonite is sentri time....I must complete all the assignments. God..please give me the strength, give me the knowledge so that I can answer the questions easily....and give me an inspiration too God. Please.....thank you God for all the blessing. Amen.

Yooossshhhh....time to take bath....taking a few hours nap.....and then will start the sentri. Muackkksss....I love you Kidz....hahaha....I love you sayang. ^^

My Diary...

Yesterday he called me and we talked for 58 minutes 18 seconds. The day before we talked for 1 hour 57 minutes 16 seconds.

It's always a warm feeling whenever I talked to him. And yesterday he sounded so sad and down. He told me that he told his mom about us and when his mom heard that I'm from Sarawak, she said NO. She said about too far, and talked about money spending issue.

See....3 obstacles that we need to confront...I put 'the distance' in No.3 and yet that's already the biggest issue for her mom. I wonder what happen when she knows the No. 1 and No. 2 obstacles that I listed down? Haiz~

Terharu and I almost cried when he told me that he told his mom, "Kalau saya nak kahwin, kena ada restu dari mak juga." And his mom didn't say a word. He's a good son. Just imagine if i'm in his situation and my parents oppose me, I'll bet I'm going to take rebel.

I hope everything is going to be alright. I really pity him. He has to confront the situation alone. And yesterday he asked me, "Do you still love me?" And I answered, "Of coz I still love you." Sayang don't worry that, no matter what, you still the best. Even if we have no jodoh, I will still love you because...so far you're the best and different from the others.

So lucky the girl that marry you someday....and I'm going to slap that girl if she doesn't know how to appreciate you. And I'm going to be jealous too... *cries* Just wish that the lucky girl is me.

:: Reasons Why I Like Him ::

He's a good guy

He's smart

He's religious

He always understand me

He knows how to cheer me up

He's cute in his way

He can play guitar

He is caring

He is so loving

He is soft spoken

He is kind hearted

He has a soft heart; but he is quite stubborn

He always listened to me

He's matured for his age

Sometimes he looks nerd but I like it

He has many friends who like him

He likes what I like

He likes purple

He likes girl's stuff

He's a sensitive guy

He's a coward when it comes to watching horror movie

He can cry; and I wish to comfort him

He's a funny guy

He's a neat guy..all his works are very neat

He's good at drawing

He and his housemates always cook at home

He can help tidy a house

He's a degree holder

He's a teacher

And I love everything about him

But above all....

He loves me so much and I love him as much too..

Because of whoever he is...HE IS STILL THE BEST!!!

Today's Event

:: New hand fan ::

:: Orang Ulu costume that I bought today ::

:: Dinner for tonite; sambal petai, mix vege consist of mushroom and daun sabung and Ikan Jelawat masak asam pedas ::

Agendas for today:

1. 8.30 am go to church

2. 9.30 am go to Kanowit to find orang ulu costume

3. 11.30 am go to Durin and found orang ulu costume, bought it for RM180

4. 12.14 pm, call sayang, he's on the way to Muazam sending sister; driving.

5. Go to Sibu Jaya and bought the bead's hat for RM40 and the necklace RM11.

6. Go Sibu Jaya's market.

7. Reach home around 3pm, and a short while later, aunties and uncle from Miri reached.

8. Go to grandma's house.

9. Go back around 5pm.

10.Right now starving, waiting for dinner, so just login to blog a while and post something.

11.Is missing sayang..but he doesnt know that.

12. Later sis Lucyia will come to my house.

13. Wish that I can sleep or have time with myself, alone.

8.38pm, while waiting for sis Lucyia to come, i look at his pictures that is inside this laptop. Haiz....what happen actually? Does he meant for me? I always pray to God, if he is meant for me, make him closer to me but if he is not meant for me, just comfort me so that I can accept my fate. But how come, the feeling is getting stronger? Why I keep thinking of him? And why when I look at his pictures, make me miss him so much? This is really crazy...it seems like I'm the one that is so hopeless, so 'angau'....hahaha...just like a shadow lover. Weh....like this cannot be....I can't let him know about this. He might laugh at me. People said if we love somebody, reserve 60% for ourselves. How about me? How many percent I reserved for myself? Seems like none to me. Haiz...

I don't know how much he loves me, and no matter what he told me, I still don't know whether to believe it or not. Coz, right now, seems like i'm the shadow lover type. Wahahahahaha.....So scary....Seriously cannot let him know about this.

We both still waiting for his parents approval also. I wonder what's the result. He seems so busy to tell his parents also. Age gap, religion, and distance...3 factors as the obstacles.

Sometimes when I thought that, "Nah...he doesnt loves me".....he sure will call me...seems like he can read my mind....can read that actually at that moment I miss him and think of him. Weird right? Today is not the exception as well....just about when i think of him, he straight call me and said that he couldn't sms me.

The best part last time was on 10th May, when suddenly that afternoon, I missed him so much and kept thinking of him, and even pictured him in my mind. Crazy huh? And not long after that, he sms me, "Me:Can i pray that ukm will accept if i leave her or she meet a man that better than me, AND we can be together. Raymona: Yes" <-- That really sounded crazy coz he also monologued with himself. And that night he really break up with the UKM girl.

The more I know him, the more I can't get rid of him from my mind. This might not be the 1st experience for me, but this time is totally different from the previous experienced. The first time I'm having someone with the same thought with me! Like he said, "Talking to you just like talking to another me". Missing him is like missing myself. Real crazy right? But that's the fact.

But still, the best moment that I will never forget was during the potluck day. That's the first time he really treated me like his real gf. Yes, indeed....I still can pictured the moment, I still can pictured people around us, how surprised they were that time, hahahaha.....and he really....ah....can't say it in word....but i can say...i fall in love with him once again that time.

Who said only with 'sex' or 'intimate' relationship then you can love that person so much until night and day also keep thinking of that person? Nope....we both prove that tho' without touching each other, the feeling of loving, missing, thinking each other still so strong. And do you believe that...even until now we never hold hands. Wahahahahaha....well...the Tioman Trip under the sea was an exception.

My housemates said that I'm so lucky...eh..no....so geng, so hebat to have him as my bf....and they labelled him as 'Mr.Nice Guy'. But I did pray to God to grant me someone like him also. But does he really that Mr.Nice Guy or Mr.Innocent? I dont think so. The way he msg his girl friends in FB, the way he talked to the girl at that restaurant, during K.O.T when he talked to my batch, during KOAM seminar when he played with Ana's handbag, they both seems like flirting each other that time...not to mention how he react with his ex-gf. Conclusion...he's not that Mr.Innocent. Just that both of us, when see each other, we restrain ourselves to go further. Weird right? How come? *Shrug* I don't know the answer.

I always wanted to ask him about all these.....why with me is different....but why I couldn't say the words? And he told me..he really protect our relationship. And he said, the more we never hold each other hands, the feeling of missing me growing bigger. Weird?

Anyway....sis Lucyia is coming now. I need to go. Ciao...

Precious Chat with Him

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:32:45 AM):

then....thinking also....the other day u said u want to go mekkah in 10 years time...wah...kira tak lama lg tu.....in tht case when u plan to end ur bachelor day?

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:34:26 AM):

as soon as possible

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:34:30 AM):

when you free, and when u want

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:34:45 AM):

ah? what? what?

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:35:55 AM):

i mean, i will end my bachelor zaman when u ready to marry

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:36:05 AM):

wah.....

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:36:23 AM):

u always ready right

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:36:26 AM):

u got money to marry or not?

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:36:29 AM):

lol

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:36:54 AM):

i dont know, i have lot in the bank, but dont know how much

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:37:16 AM):

talking about marriage ar.....

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:37:23 AM):

i have my own prinsip...

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:37:39 AM):

saya tak nak pakai duit mak bapak untuk berkahwin

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:37:41 AM):

am i need to buy a gong to marry u? give as hantaran..

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:37:45 AM):

lol

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:37:47 AM):

no la

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:37:53 AM):

im a modern iban

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:38:03 AM):

if i married...i wont married cara kampung

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:38:06 AM):

kelabit must do that

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:38:24 AM):

ok

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:38:24 AM):

no la....hantaran biasa jer...like what malay ppl do

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:38:31 AM):

ok

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:38:52 AM):

hantaran is not important...its a life after is more important to me

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:38:53 AM):

if my money, think not enough yet

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:39:34 AM):

ya, of course, hantaran tu la yg take a lot of money

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:39:43 AM):

thats why i ask you....when u want to end ur bachelor status....you have to have ur aim...or else you dont know what to do with ur money

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:42:08 AM):

kerja already have, guru

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:42:44 AM):

ok, 2013

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:43:05 AM):

is it too late?

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:43:13 AM):

within 2 1/2 years time

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:43:39 AM):

no...u have to hv ur own plan

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:45:26 AM):

1)where posting, 2)where u posting, 3)if marry, where want to live

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:45:55 AM):

within 3 years we can apply to change the school rite?

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:46:07 AM):

yes

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:46:08 AM):

can

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:46:15 AM):

so...whats the problem then?

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:46:52 AM):

after marry, live apartly la for one year?

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:47:04 AM):

oh.. but its ok

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:47:09 AM):

lol

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:47:21 AM):

i like to hear whats your thought

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:47:22 AM):

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:47:40 AM):

if marry before end of kpli, can ask to choose school near to husband

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:48:07 AM):

lol

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:48:29 AM):

i dont think much about that, as long as get marry, then its ok '

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:48:51 AM):

tu je, asal dapat kawen je

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:49:00 AM):

do u think i will get married before kpli end? hahahahaha

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:49:32 AM):

complicated sure

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:49:51 AM):

generally, no

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:50:16 AM):

at least must plan from now

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:51:01 AM):

lol

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:51:06 AM):

you plan...coz you're a guy

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:51:38 AM):

i'm a guy

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:51:50 AM):

i will plan

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:52:09 AM):

i will ask my parents

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:52:16 AM):

and my sister

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:52:37 AM):

and will show your picture

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:52:39 AM):

have u talked to ur sisters or ur parents about u?

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:52:46 AM):

ZzzZzz...

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:53:12 AM):

to sister, younger sister, and abg ipar

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:53:46 AM):

then?

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:54:42 AM):

then, they ok

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:55:35 AM):

but, not rigid answer la, because i not yet ask dgn lebih mendalam lagi

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:56:28 AM):

i'm always thinking of this, how to say, when, what to do... always

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:57:15 AM):

aku perasan 1 benda tentang ko....banyak sangat pikir....especially benda2 yang mudah tapi dianggap susah

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:57:33 AM):

but, nowadays, feel not suitable to discuss this on phone, my sister also not at usj, she at seremban, so far, dulu dia selalu kat usj, selalu la jumpa dia

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:57:46 AM):

ok

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:58:16 AM):

so, i will make it simple, dont think too much

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:58:28 AM):

you still have time....dont worry....

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:58:33 AM):

time cuti nanti ke.....

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:58:46 AM):

we have all the time in this world

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:59:12 AM):

ya, rasanya bukan benda mudah dianggap susah, cuma i am be careful

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:59:22 AM):

ok.....let me tell you the tips

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:59:30 AM):

this is my way.....always my way....

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 12:59:46 AM):

may i know your way, please..

Kidz (22/5/2011 12:59:48 AM):

and just happened im lucky to have a sporting parents

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 1:00:16 AM):

is that your way?

Kidz (22/5/2011 1:00:19 AM):

nono....

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 1:00:19 AM):

easy

Kidz (22/5/2011 1:00:23 AM):

my way like ths

Kidz (22/5/2011 1:00:31 AM):

normally when i back for holiday....

Kidz (22/5/2011 1:00:37 AM):

i love talking to mom

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 1:01:01 AM):

ok

Kidz (22/5/2011 1:01:07 AM):

so....maybe can start the conversation like this, "mummy, what do you think if i have a bf?"

Kidz (22/5/2011 1:01:17 AM):

she sure will reply rite?

Kidz (22/5/2011 1:01:22 AM):

then just tell her la

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 1:01:42 AM):

ok, i will do it

Kidz (22/5/2011 1:02:10 AM):

i think at this age...ur age....should be no problem....especially when u alrady posting

Kidz (22/5/2011 1:02:41 AM):

tapi....im sure ada 1 benda diorang akan tanya, "how long you know the girl?"

Kidz (22/5/2011 1:02:46 AM):

and what will u answer?

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 1:03:04 AM):

since bulan mac this year

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 1:03:19 AM):

she is kpli also, jan intake

Kidz (22/5/2011 1:03:59 AM):

and....they will say, "dont you think its too rush for you to get married while you just met her?"

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 1:05:14 AM):

if not marry yet, marry later, just to let them know that i have relation with someone

Kidz (22/5/2011 1:06:14 AM):

Yes.....now i can see that....you're matured enough

Nurul Azli Azrai (22/5/2011 1:06:25 AM):

and prepare for it.. and if they know, the relationship that we build can be strenghten time after time

Kidz (22/5/2011 1:06:42 AM):

you're right....and your act is right

Kidz (22/5/2011 1:10:39 AM):

you tell them not about marriage but tell them that you having relationship with someone

Kidz (22/5/2011 1:10:49 AM):

thats the right act

Kidz (22/5/2011 1:11:23 AM):

before ths i wonder have you told your family about ur relationship with ur ex-ex gf?

Kidz (22/5/2011 1:15:55 AM): my connection keeps dc

(Notes : I wish to hear the last answer but my connection keep dc that time until I give up and shut down the laptop. Hmm...Yesterday he told me that he never told his parents about his previous relationship, but he told his sisters. Am I be the first? Hmm...I wonder.....)

Gawai Open House

I need to write more here...so here we go....

Yesterday I made open house for Gawai celebration. I invited all my friends; my ex-colleagues, my best friend, Siput and also my church members. The day before, some of them texting me and said they couldn't make it since they have their own agenda.

But yesterday, first, Siput called me and she said she will be arrived at about 1 hour from the time she called me. After that when Siput arrived, Auntie Agnes called me as well, and then I said I will fetch them all in one place. After that Auntie Vero called, and Angela also called. Waaaa.....but at last I managed to gather everybody.

3 large groups come together at the same time...I hope Angela and Siput understand my situation. So sorry coz I couldn't entertain you all. The priority is always for the elders right? So glad that the church members came to visit me. Auntie Mary Law hugged me and she said she missed me a lot. Not to mention Auntie Agnes that really close to me, she passed the Scheme Of Works to me. I told them about my life as a KPLI student. And I also told them about all the blessing that I received. It's all because of their constant prayer towards me.

After church members went back, then I talked to Angela. She told me that she will get married by next year and end of this year, she will register the marriage first. Owh.....congratulation! I'm happy for her....

After Angela went back, then I talked to Siput. Hmm....i guess we were not really talking. We were more to watching tv....just so coincidence that the story was about Rentap, Iban warrior. We kept commenting the movie. We gave bad comment actually. Wahahahahaha.....so funny when they tried to talk like Sarawak people but at the end the slang become Indonesian accent. Then they tried to speak Sarawakian....wahahahaha....so hillarious.....and also tried to speak Iban. One part that so funny when the guy wanted to 'ngayap' the girl....so I asked Siput, "How does he entered the house?" And Siput told me, "By front door!" Wahahahahaha......

Then, Ivan Sia called me, he wanted to come to my house, so I said please do come. He was alone and he thought that I will be mad if he didn't go to my house during Gawai. Hmm....how come? Anyway, we talked so much, and he revealed so many things. About Ambrose (Priscilla's husband) works at Jaya Tiasa now. Then Alex Ling also resigned after I resigned. Peter becomes Assistant Manager. And uncle (my boss) always closes his door. Hmm.....so many things happen now. So I asked how was everything at work? And he said that everything change, and the situation is not like when I still work in Jaya. He said when I still there, everyday always cheerful. The environment also cheerful, but after I left, everything changed. Hmm.....is that my impact so big until like this? I never thought that people like me, always thought that I'm worthless.

And I asked Ivan whether he still chasing for his ambition to be a priest. So he told me that his grandma wants him to get married. I asked him, "Do you have a girlfriend now?" and he said, "No..." and I asked, "Do you think it is easy to find a girlfriend?" And he said,"Can, easy...just walk on the street and grab somebody." Whoaaa...... and he added,"As long as my grandma happy, then enough for me." ZzzZzzz......he sounded so sulky right now.

But I said, "No...you better go for a priest.....thats a calling for you. You will be happy..." We talked a lot about religious issue. Siput and her sister also joining us in the talk. And I really thank God that I'm getting matured now. At least I can answer the questions that direct to me. For example why we need priest inside the confession box? My answer is very simple, "The priest is like our mentor, he guides us to make a good confession. We're not confessing toward him but toward God, but he is there to help us so that we won't miss anything that we wanted to confess."

At around 4.30pm, Ivan went back and then around 5pm Siput went back. After I took my bath, then I went upstair to talk to sayang. Just realized that I get sms from him at around 3pm. He was at KL Sentral to send Des. Owh....so I told him to call me after he done with everything.

At almost 11pm he called me, and we talked like 1 hour 4 minutes and 57 seconds. ZzzZzz....I wonder how much money we spent for telephone bill. As usual, our story is like never ending one. He told me that he cried when Des went back to Sarawak. Hmm....but not crying when I went back for holiday. Hahahahaha...... Hmm...such a sensitive guy.....but I like! Hahahaha.....still remember the time when we watched Insidious together and he kept screaming while I have no feeling at all. I kept laughing at him. ZzzZzz...That's the guy that I love...

Anyway, we start saying "I love you" to each other to end our conversation. Hmm...no more awkward for that part. I wonder whether I will feel awkward to say those 3 words in front of him. Hahahaha.... But for sayang, it's still awkward for me. But I wish to call him that.

It's a good practice....I just want harmony in my family (ah....my own family)....and hope God really blessed us on this relationship. I want to practice all the good things in my family and I wish that people around us will look at us and follow our step as well. God, will You use me and him for this 'mission'? I'm okay with that coz our world now getting worse and worse... I wish to change the situation.

To Kill My Boredom

Simba and Lionel. Both also so cute. Why I like these cute little lions? Coz during our 1st outing, he accompany me to 1Utama to buy hand puppets and I found Lionel there. I bought Lionel for myself and bought Simba for his birthday present.

Same goes to this picture. Err...I mean the smile...Hahahaha....

Quite messy but I like the smile!

Oh, alright, my sayang and some of his close friends.(From left to right : Mohd Zulfadli, sayang, Azizul and Deskandar) Guy is totally different from girl. I like to see them together. I hope that I'm not the one that breaking their bonds. I am just a newcomer. ZzzZzz...

Why I like this picture? Because of the color! There's one good thing about Hari Raya celebration, everybody will wear new clothes. Too bad for me because I never bother to buy a new cloth for myself during festival.

Telling mom - I'm back!!!

I reached my hometown yesterday night. And I told mom about my relationship with him. At first mom was like, "whoaaa..." but then after I reasoned everything with mom, only then realized that mom actually don't really bother with religion issue but actually she just worried that I won't be back anymore. Hmm...

But really glad that I told mom everything. Told mom how I met him. And don't you think that the funny thing is....mom never bother to ask how does he looks like. But I know mom, she won't bother with appearance also. The most important thing is, I'm happy. And right now, I am really happy being with him.

Why do I like him? How come I can fall for him? Love is always a mysterious thing. We never know when it will strike us.

I want to write more about him here, but I'm lazy to arrange my words and type it out. Maybe I should just attached my convo. with him in YM, or the sms, or his email. There're few things that made him special to me like 'let me color your life', 'i'm with you', 'cukup duit belanja tak?' and few more. His words always touched me. Nobody ever treated me nicely like how he treated me. Tho' it was just a word from him (or just a sweet talk) but whatever it is, it touched my heart. I'm so glad that God let him entered my life, and I promise myself, I'm going to do my best for this relationship.

I'm glad that I'm telling mom about him and glad that I have a very supportive mother. Right now I wonder what is his parents' impression toward me? Age gap, religion issue, hometown issue, there's so many obstacles.

I prayed to God, if he really meant for me, please make him close to me, but if he is not meant for me, please comfort my heart and to accept my fate. But no matter how, he's getting closer to me and the love towards him is growing. So, is he the one for me?

The words from UKM girl also really touched my heart when she said, 'sy sedar ianya berpunca dari kesalahan dan kesilapan sy sendiri, namun logikkah penyelesaian yang diambil oleh si dia? tiada kata putus yang diambil, malah menerima insan lain sebagai kekasih hati tanpa memberitahu kepada sy, sedangkan ketika itu, sy masih lagi dilabelkan sebagai "gurlfren" nya...mana sifat ehsan dia? andai dia tahu ianya terlalu menyakitkan...

dia memilih seorang perempuan non-muslim, sebagai pengganti sy, menjadikan sy lebih tercabar dan rasa terhina. adakah dalam kepala dia, sy ini lebih teruk dari org yang bukan Islam? pada mulanya memang sy tidak boleh terima, tapi siapakah sy untuk melarangnya... namun, Allah tahu, sy terlalu menyayanginya..dan Allah membukakan pintu hatinya untuk kembali kepada sy... '

Why did she mention about religion? Are we that bad? ZzzZzz...But forget about that.....right now what really concerned me when she said 'Allah tahu saya terlalu menyayanginya dan Allah membukakan pintu hatinya untuk kembali kepada sy..' <-- Yes, that time he really re-declared with her again and he ditched me. I was like....it's okay....I'm nobody and worthless.

But why....if she really loves him, but why she couldn't treat him nicely and steal his heart? And, why at last they break up again, for the 2nd time? Which mean all the time his heart is actually with me.

God is really funny.....I prayed to God in a selfish way and God granted my wish. I asked God to give me the chance. But am I a bad person? Am I stealing him from the girl? Do i deserved him? And right now, I am even more selfish....i won't let go of him and I won't let the UKM girl win this fight for the 3rd time. She had enough with her chances and she wasted her chance before. I won't do the same, but will you God, blessed our relationship?

Am I sounded so desperate right now? Before this, i already claimed myself as a single person, and I don't believe in love anymore, I totally give up. But he entered my life and changed my perception toward love. I am worthy in God's eyes. This is the 1st time someone attracted to me at the first sight.

Thank God for all the blessing. Please keep protect me from the evil one and guide me always. Don't let me fall into temptation and trials.

Summarization - Why am I doing this?

It's been a long time for me not to write on this blog. On 24th May, 2011, I went out with 'him' and that was the 1st time for us to talk from heart to heart. It was not easy to open my mouth and asked about the UKM girl. I was just so curious why the girl wanted her friend to add me in FB. She wanted to know all about me, but why? So I asked him regarding this. And he told me the whole stories. Let me summarize it here:-

1. He met the UKM girl last year around May - June.

2. They declared as a couple in last year but they never met, they declared by phone.

3. They met for the first time in February 2011.

4. He bought shirt for her and she bought chocolates for him.

5. They seldom meet and the girl always scolded him and felt sulky with no reason.

6. He ever told the girl that she is the girl that always feel sulky and the worst 'sulky girl'. And she even admitted that.

7. Everytime he went to Bangi, he will buy something for her, for example, card, letter, etc.

8. They went out for movies and lunch.

9. Normally they meet during Saturday.

10.Sometimes the girl call, if not scolded, sometimes simply hang up the phone without saying good bye.

11.He met me on March, during Tioman trip.

12.Before he meets me, he already felt that the girl is really ZzzZzz.....

13.When he saw me, he wanted to know me more and the last day of Tioman trip, he walked with me to jetty and asked for my phone number coz he doesn't want to lose contact with me.

14.He still contact with the girl but the feeling is no more and at the same time, he said I always comfort him.

15.They held hands like 3 times, and the last day he met her (before break up), they also held hands.

16.He said he like me because of 'beautiness' and this is abstract.

17.25th April he broke up with the girl.

18.Before this, the girl always told him that she has so many admires and 1 of them is Firdaus. He doesn't like it. And he said, "Go for Firdaus then." But she doesn't want also.

19.26th April, the girl begged for him again.

20.29th April, last day of KOT he helped me to carry the printer and my friends teased and he said he liked it.

21.He re-declared with the girl again coz the girl begged him and cried.

22.She knows everything about me, she even stalked my FB, she even knows that I went out with him.

23.I heard she called him during the night I went for dinner with him at USJ. I could hear her voice.

24.The next day, he went to Bangi to find the girl coz she was sicked, sad and was crying. When I asked how sick was she that time, he said, not physically but heart broken only. ZzzZzz...(that's the last they met each other and did hold hands that time and he really regretted that).

25.10th May, afternoon he sms me (exactly right after I think of him).

26.He said he was inside the car, near Surau.

27.That night he broke up with the girl again. She cried, but he chose me.

28.But in email, he said he wanted to leave both (and 30 minutes later he email me again said don't want to lose me. :-) )

29.The next day, 11th May (camping trip), he proposed me to be his gf.

30.22nd May, in her FB she asked her friend to add me in FB, and told her friend I'm his new gf.

31.He said last message from her (either Saturday or Sunday) wished for his good luck in fnal exam and 'semoga berbahagia' and he replied same goes to her and she replied back, "saya benci awak". Wow! Such and answer!!!!

32.During his birthday, Saturday before his birthday and a day after finish practicum, they went out together and the girl gave him a shirt.

33.During his birthday I went out with him and gave him Simba. (really glad that i gave Simba to him)

Conclusion : It's really glad to hear the words from himself....